Reflections v1.0

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

17:45

"There are things in Life money can't buy."

So the saying goes.

I'd prefer to disagree. That saying is just bollocks. Everything (and everyone) has a price. The only question, if there should even be a question involved in the first place, is how much. Really, I can't think of anything in the world that can't be bought. Friendship, companionship, love. Mehh... pay me enough, even if I dislike u, I'll be ur friend or pretend to be. The items bought might not be "real", but there's no denying its existence. It might be nothing more than merely a facade, and according to some, it wouldn't "last". Thing is, with money, is it even necessary for the things to last in the 1st place?

Well ~ just put it this way. I buy a companion who goes thru' the pretense of caring about me, who gives me the attention I need. It might be a lie, but at the end of the day I still get what I need. So what if it doesn't last? When that companion leaves, I'll just buy another.

Foolish of me, you might think. Naive of you, I'd say.

Ridiculous are those who think that anything lasts forever at all. Everything that has a beginning will have an end. Even things that seemingly don't have a start will somehow finish someday. Eternity. It lasts only as long as you want it to last. It can be something as fleeting as a few seconds, or something as painful as centuries. It all depends on a person's perception.

"That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons, even death may die."

Yeah yeah, that line is from the Necronomicon. Fiction it might be, but that is one frequently discussed couplet. Unfortunately, no, I have yet to read much of H.P. Lovecraft's works. I vaguely remember reading a collection of short stories years back. But aside from that, nopez. I intend to someday though. That reminds me too of an art book I've once chanced upon in Kino Orchard. Artwork of the Necronomicon. Itz beautiful, really. No kinda art I adore more than gothic art.

25min more to burn. Then I guess it'll be a night of raiding, assuming I get a raid spot. Yeah ~ till date, am STILL being passed over for others in guild even though am not exactly low on the dps meter. I can't deny that it upsets me still, to a certain extent... but guess someday I'll outgrow it. I should really learn to live by the principle that - the actions of people who do not matter, do not matter.

Blame it on a low self-esteem that I can never seem to shrug off I guess. Either that or a perfectionist attitude. Even if ppl claim that they don't expect stuff from me, it doesn't matter... coz I expect certain things of myself. Certain standards must be attained or I'll just feel... inadequate. A feeling that I'm getting alot these days. Am just unable to get things right at times. Am unable to respond appropirately, and am unable to reciprocrate sufficiently... resulting in a total destruction of mood and further lowering of my self esteem. Not to mention, it leads to sleepless nights. I'm just made this way I guess. I blame myself. What is there not to blame? Every action has to have a reaction. Being unable to control my emotions, being unable to rein my thoughts, is failure on my part.

Complex huh? Now tell me Life is actually simple ~

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