WoW events never cease to remind me how wtf my Life is & polyclinic doctors never fail to remind me about the saying "you get what you pay for".

Oh yeah sure ~ healthcare in Singapore is subsidized at governmental clinics & hospitals (if you 1st obtain a referral letter from a government clinic). The clinics are known as "polyclinics" and I dareasy the general practicioners (GPs) there are the shits. Granted that not all doctors who own their private clinics are wonderful, but they tend to be slightly better than the morons u get in polyclinics.

Here's what happened. After being discharged from the National Eye Centre - yet another government hospital, the problem with my fuzzy vision recurred like 2 weeks later. Being concerned, I went to Outram polyclinic to get a referral once again, coz that sheet of paper makes a huge difference in fees. Not only did the doctor there seem unwilling to listen to my concerns, he repeatedly tells me bullshit that my blurness in vision is caused by over usage of the computer... etc. and that there's nothing wrong with it. Not even eyedrops were perscribed and I was given an appt with the NEC on 2nd June. Thatz almost 2 mths away!! Srsly, I could be blind by then if it was something really serious. Those are my eyes. Wouldn't I know that there's something aside from simply tiredness that's causing that kinda vision?

Jeez. Where the fuck do they get those kinda doctors anyway? Yeah ~ they grad from med school and all... but they srsly need to develop the kind of apathy that good doctors have & they definitely have terrible listening skills.

Anyhow, wormy called NEC on my behalf earlier today and managed to get an appointment for me tml morning @ 8:30am. So much for "2nd june being the earliest date possible". Now just gotta cross my fingers & wait for the verdict tml. Should I be put off contact lenses for good, I'll really consider going for Lasik in future.

So much for "subsidised healthcare" quality.

Itz Noblegarden week in WoW rite now. Bunch of achivements to attain & a brand new title "of the Noble". *sigh* Am having shitty luck with that like all other events so far. Been picking & opening Brightly Colored Eggs for hours but I never gotten the items required for the achivement. My rogue has the title already. Done it the hard way - by turning in chocolates obtained for the items. My warrior? No luck as yet. It just sux that I always end up doing things the long way as compared to others. Wormy already has the items on his toons. He got them frm opening the eggs within like the 1st hour of doing the stuff.

Arrogant ppl tend to say they "make their own luck". The ridiculous believe that there's no such thing known as Luck. I say - oh really?

Granted that what a person does increases his chances of success. That I don't deny. A person who works hard probably has like 75% success rate and a person who doesn't maybe has like 20%. However, thatz just so much one can do. A person with luck will still succeed putting in 1% effort. A person who's totally unlucky will still fail even if he has raised his odds up to 99%. Think I'm just coming out with excuses for being lazy? Think again, really. The only certaintly in Life is uncertainty. There's no such thing as 100%. No matter how much u do, how hard u try, there's always a percentage of failure... and Luck does the rest.

I haven't been all that lucky in Life imo. Yeah I know ~ I should be counting my blessings... have blogged about this before. I just can't help lamenting that most of the time, I end up doing things the hard way... while ppl around me just get it done for them, served on a platter.

The luckiest thing that happened to me this year? Well... I would say itz wormy. However, only time will tell whether that's really being lucky, or if itz just one of another Life's twisted jokes on me. As mentioned before, there will be changes in the near future. What will happen then, I do not know & I dun really wanna think too much about it. *sigh* Itz just a shitty feeling, this helplessness. I just can't help feeling inadequate at times.

Maybe I should just /quitlife.

Not much time to blog these days, with the recently released patch 3.1 that brought Ulduar, dual spec and a whole new chunk of dailies for the Argent Tournament. Anyway this is something Shen linked me.

Itz short & simple yet carries a deeper meaning behind it... somehow made me cry the 1st time I watched. Wonderful nonetheless.

Enjoy ~~

Draw With Me by *Mikeinel on deviantART

"Symphonic metal or opera metal is a term used to describe heavy metal music that has symphonic elements... This genre refers to bands that combine aspects of varying metal genres, with signature female-lead vocals and opera/classical themes to give the music a feeling of being a symphony."

Long have I been confused by the countless genres & further sub-genres of heavy metal. Death metal, gothic metal, heavy metal, power metal, black metal... etc. Pick your poison. Metal never fails to calm my twisted soul. And yes, I'm heavily inclined towards symphonic metal bands such as Therion, the old Nightwish and of coz... Cradle of Filth. Am listening to their 3rd studio album "Cruelty and the Beast" right now. Thank goodness I managed to extract the CD frm those boxes I have still unpacked in the hall. Been thinking of it since the mrt ride back home. Will be pissed if itz missing.

The general public will probably brush it off as tracks of senseless howling, gutteral vocals and screaming. Well... let them. The majority of humankind are probably too stupid to appreciate the album anyway. I simply adore the orchestral elementals of the tracks. The lyrics are superb too. The tracks are based the Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Báthory (Báthory Erzsébet), a female serial killer in history.

Unbelievable as it sounds, the tracks in the album do have the ability to lull me to sleep. In fact, I would have dozed off awhile ago if it wasn't for the desire to complete this blog entry. I can't explain it exactly, but somehow the symphony behind the vocals resonate with the endless noise in my head.

I ain't crazy. At least I don't think, and refuse to admit, that I am. However, occasionally the noise in my head gets so loud that I can't concentrate on anything else. It ain't specific words that I'm hearing. Think of a television set playing nothing but static. Thatz how itz like. These temporary state of mind usually occurs after I get upset. The sleepiness that follows is probably my body's method of self-preservation. Coz in such moods, am prone to acts of violence. Pain becomes pleasurable and blood becomes a desire.

Anyway, caught Fast & Furious 4 earlier in the evening @ AMK Hub. Blahhh was supposed to watch the 19:20 show but mistakenly booked tickets for 17:10 instead. As payment was made via debit card, am unable to make any cancellation.

How was the movie? Exactly as I expected. Adrenaline pumped. Those are the best words to describe it. Worth a watch on the big screen for the exact same reason. Oh yeah ~ I simply =3 Vin Diesel. The female leads were fab too. Not to metion, it comes with a pretty leet soundtrack. Thatz gonna be on my list for sure.

Mhmm... now what I wonder? Itz Tuesday. WoW servers are down. The noise in my head has quietened down a little since before. Guess I'll just go take a shower then I'll probably end up either playing some PS2, reading my PHB or drift off to slumber with Cradle of Filth in the background.

Level up!! After a couple of encounters, which includes fighting a young white dragon while investigating a recent kobold infestation in Fallcrest & rescuing Coldfen civilians from the undead, Tiefling rogue Ainarielle is now level 2!! Heh with the introduction of a brand new party member, the Goliath fight Gond, things are starting to get interesting. Other party members are a Genasi Tactical Warlord, a Human wizard and a Drow Sorcerer/Druid. Pretty cool ehz?

Blehhh... have been rather lazy and am still exploring the game mechanics of the 4th ed. Would need to further reading up on the PHB, PHB II & Martial Powers to fully utilize my character. The new races & classes that come with PHB II seem tempting too, especially the Avenger. However, think am gonna just stick with my rogue till PHB III comes out to see if there are other more appealing classes to play. Wouldn't wanna roll another character only to be replaced by the end of the year. If only they would release everything in one go... it would make my decision sooooo much easier =/

Anyway, have got a good feeling about my current AD&D group. Though we have games only like once every 2-3 weeks, am pretty sure we'll be able to keep this up and eventually venture into paragon & epic paths. Should I continue with Ainarielle, I'd probably end up as a Shadow Assassin. Dagger Masters sound pretty cool, but why settle for a 1d4 weapon dmg with a dagger when I can have 1d6 with a short sword & even 1d8 with a rapier? Itz a shame that am unable to strike with both weapons though... it'll be really op if I could use a rapier on my MH and a katar on my OH. As far as I know (further reading of the PHBs might prove otherwise), only rangers are able to do that with their lvl 1 at will power 'Twin Strike'.

Hmm for those who are interested in how the campaign is progressing, check out Shakespeare's Asylum (formerly known as the Tinky Winky Slums) - the forum we use to communicate in between sessions.

WoW-wise, am awaiting the release of patch 3.1 which will reaveal the long-awaited Ulduar. With it also comes dual-spec. Sux that Blizz is nerfing Titan's Grip though. The nerf is not a small one too. Reduction of 10% in dmg with Titan's Grip. Thatz just fcking gay if u ask me. With op classes like the ret pallies & the Dks, warriors are srsly gonna lose out big time. Of coz Eru is gonna go prot/fury... and the recently 80 Rhav will end up balance/resto. Am still learning how to use a caster drood though... am still so confused with gear & dps rotation. Blahhh more reading up in store for me.

Anyway, just for fun, have rolled my 1st ever dwarf toon. A warrior Thorgard on Dreadmaul. Lolx. Yeah am supposed to be playing it with my toon's "brother" Thorgar, a dwarf paladin. Rofl.

Just look @ him. Ugh. Dwarves are just so fail. Ain't gonna be playing Thorgard seriously though (racial aside, I already have Eru & there are so many other alts in queue to level). Will probably end up levelling him to like 10 and park him in Ironforge for all eternity. You gotta kill me before I'll roll one of those creatures, yes creatures, for AD&D too.

/yawn am so sleepy... got up at 4am after like a 1.5hr nap to send wormy off to camp. Mhmm itz a bittersweet feeling, missing someone. The missing part is #@^%&~... having someone on ur mind all the time no matter what u do... gets a little distracting. However, itz really nice having someone to actually miss, if u get what I mean. *sigh* Am really trying my best to look @ this in a more optimistic light. I do have my worries though. There will be situational changes in the future. He's gonna leave the army, his ex-gf is returning from overseas, am gonna end up getting a job... etc. I just gotta keep my fingers crossed that those changes will nt affect what we have now. Should there be an effect, I hope it'll be a good one.

I too hope that my current inablity to fully trust another person won't wreck this... and yeah, hopefully in time, I'll regain my faith in humans and learn to trust again. Trust is such an integral part of a relationship (and yeah that includes friendship as well). Without trust, there is no stable foundation for anything to be built upon. Without a stable foundation, every structure will end up falling apart. It irks me like hell that I'm unable to fully trust him. Each suspcion I have... each worry that creeps into my mind just inflicts torment on myself and I know it bothers him as well. I know I shouldn't use my previous r/s as a reference, but I just can't help it at times.

Ah well ~ there's really nth much I can do right now except try my utmost to push negative thoughts outta my head. I really don't want this to be just another memory, another scar, like all the others before.

I can't remember when was the last time I took at train @ 6am. Must have been a really really long time ago since before I moved back home >1yr back, I still had Harusame. Blahhh come to think of it, I had no reason to travel at that kinda godforsaken hour after I left secondary school. Even my earliest lecture in NP was 8am? Anyway it was a refreshing change nonetheless. And it was for a good enough reason anyway. Yeah that'll pretty much mean that I'm gonna take a nap in the day... but ah well, itz not as if I've got anything that I simply have to do in the day. The night is always a better time for the activities I indulge in anywayz.

Mhmmm gotta enjoy such carefree days as much as I can I suppose. They won't last forever. Sometime in the near future I'll have to look for a freaking job & allow myself to be swept away by the drudgery of a "normal" life. /spit. Wish there's some way less nasty to escape this circle than Death. Having someone in my Life does make it easier to bear though... heck, if this continues, I might actually grow to enjoy it. Itz nvr ceases to amaze me how 1 person can make the difference in this goddamned world.

Will this last? I dunno. I'd like to think that it will. But I guess I just don't have enough faith. I just can't muster sufficient strength to place my trust in another person fully anymore. Am I afraid? Perhaps. Coz it does hurt much more when u fully believe something will work out and it just crumbles into dust. I know, it doesn't seem right to doom something frm the start... but I guess being pessimistic gives me the mental preparation should it really fail for any reason. /shrug ultimately, there's nth much I can do except adopt a wait-and-see attitude & keep my fingers cross that this time, there will be a happy ending to this tale.

Anyway my eyes have recovered pretty much. Gonna start looking for a part-time/temp job soon. Yeah ~ gotta shove my lazy ass of WoW and actually DO something irl.

Mhmmm as for studying in Aussie. Think I gotta scrape that idea off my mind. Managed to speak with a rep frm Queensland a few weeks ago, and honestly, I can't think of a way to raise the amount required. Foundation course aside, it'll be like 400k for 5 years of study. 400k. That can purchase a 5-room HDB in Singapore for sure. Even if I manage to find some financial body that is willing to offer me that loan amount, the repayment period is gonna be like what... 2 decades? Kinda impractical considering that I'm gonna be 30 in 2 years. Blahhhh!!

Besides, now I actually do have a reason to wanna remain where I am. Maybe it might seem like giving up an entire ocean for just 1 herring... but well, thatz something that I would do. Coz the entire ocean won't matter w/o that particular fish in it =)