Why can I never get rid of the feeling that no matter what I do, it isn't sufficient? Can't help sensing that it always seems I'm 2nd best - that I'm never gonna be good enough. I shouldn't be contented with merely filling the void another left behind, should I? A void that is so vast... so deep that is impossible to fill in the 1st place. What is it that I'm seeking? What is it that I want? *sigh* Times like these, all I really wanna do is go to sleep... and not wake.

Then perhaps it will finally stop.

The longer you hesitate, the more comfortable you feel. Your feet seem to have a mind on their own. Unknowingly, but slowly & gradually, you begin to venture into the cave. The darkness that envelops you begins to take on a new form. It is no longer threatening, but speaks of promises - promises of things to come.

You start to lose your sense of reality. The fading voice constantly nags at you, warning you. That you have been in such situations before. That the promises are nothing more than a facade. That they are no more than lies underneath. At that point of time, you don't care anymore. 'Cos those promises seem so sweet... they are the embodiment of the hope you have clutched on to.

You realize that you no longer have the desire or to wrench yourself away. You no longer have the courage to return to where you came from. All you can do is allow yourself to be led by the feet that are no longer under your control. You know that, right now, you can never go back. The line has been crossed and all you can do is continue walking forward.

Into the darkness...

Just finished watching a local movie - 12 Lotus. It's a heart tugging tale of a promising getai singer, Lian Hua. It's a typical tale of love and betrayal, reminding us of the fact that it's always the knife closest to you that inflicts the deepest cut.

Despite certain... disturbing scenes - u know, watching a fat lady wearing perky clothes prance around like a little girl, I would say that 12 Lotus is worth a watch. Not in the cinemas perhaps, but at least in the comfort of your own home.

Enjoyed it way more than 881 for sure - that one got a little exasperating as it drags on and the exaggeration of the battle between the durian & papaya sisters (what kinda lame-ass names are those in the 1st place) makes me really wanna roll my eyes. Blahh, I would have rolled my eyes if they weren't that sore =.=

Aside from the 2 mentioned above, I've also managed to watch another movie musical.

Repo! The Genetic Opera - based on a play, this is one hell of a movie! Haha yeah the storyline isn't much, but I loved the setting, the characters and of coz... the music. *nod nod* It's the type of music that definitely agrees with me. Rock/metal + opera. Mehhh really adore those kinda stuff. I wonder if I'm able to sit thru' an entire opera though. Haha ~ should give it a shot sometime.

Mhmm... anyway yeah ~ the story from before, continues. Guess only time will tell how it ends.

Mild conjunctivitis. That's what the doctor diagnosed. According to the doc, it doesn't seem to be anything serious and that my corrected eyesight is still pretty fine. With the eye drops prescribed, it should clear up within a couple of days. I hope so. tbh I don't think my eyesight is pretty fine. I could barely see the alphabets on the chart earlier. Itz like look through frosted glass. *sigh* This sux. Really.

Guess I'll be stay off the contacts for the next few days. That sux too. I really detest wearing glasses. Vanity is one thing. Discomfort is another.

Mhmm seems like itz going to rain. Thatz a good thing. Weather has been shitty for the past few days - too warm, too humid. Been kinda hazy too. A temperature change would be nice.

I'm being pretty random now. I'm always random when I'm bothered. I'm bothered despite repeatedly telling myself that I shouldn't be. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't feel. I shouldn't give a damn!!! Arrgghhhhhhh

Let me try taking this D&D style...

You arrive at the mouth of a cave. It is pitch black. There is no way of telling what lies ahead. It could lead to treasure, riches beyond your dreams. It could lead to disaster, endless despair. It could even lead to... nothingness. Your wanderlust is urging you to take the risk, but a voice inside you tells you to halt.

As you hesitate, your restlessness draws you towards the entrance. You take a step forward. You stop. You look around you. You see nothing. You take another step and another and another... allowing yourself to be enveloped by the darkness of the cave.

You look back at the entrance. You can still see sunlight from where you came from. You look ahead of you. The cave seems to stretch on to forever. There is still no way of telling. You take a few minutes to contemplate the situation further. You can sense nothing. You take another step. The voice from earlier screams at you to turn back. You ignore it and continue walking.

As you walk, the light from the entrance starts to fade away. You know that very soon, you might not even be able to find the way back. You fumble around for your torch. It doesn't work for some reason. If you choose to proceed, you will have to do so in utter darkness with nothing more than faith as your armor.

You pause once again. You are suddenly afraid. You have once claimed, that nothing can hurt u in a way that u haven't been hurt before. You ask yourself - what's the worst that can happen? Wounds heal, don't they? You realise that you do not really wish to know the answer.

You start to wonder what exactly it is that you are searching for and you start to look back at all the times you have taken a wrong turn. The times when you have ignored the little voice inside and paid the price. The scars on your soul start to throb with a dull ache. The urge to run back out into the sunlight, into the boring but comfortable world you've always known is getting really strong now. Yet you feel rooted to the ground. A part of you wants to continue with this journey. A part of you clings on to hope that somehow this will lead to a different conclusion - a positive end.

Subconsciously you have taken a few steps further into the cave. When you look up again, you realise you can no longer see the entrance. Fear threatens to overwhelm you. You start to scream. No sound comes out. The voice inside you starts to fade away... you barely hear it now, but you know it's telling you that it still isn't too late to turn back.

However, you know that if you turn back u might be giving up on the possiblity that you might find what you have always been searching for at the end. You also know that if this journey ends in tragedy, you might never recover ever.

You are confused.

What would you do next?

Thatz where the seemingly out of point line from the previous post came from. A Sovil et Titus commercial from more than a decade ago.

Mhmm this is gonna be a shorter post than I intend it to be - basically coz I can barely see what I'm typing on the screen rite now. Nah itz not that my glasses broke or something. Seems that I've picked up some kinda weird infection thatz causing my eyes to turn really red and have really blurred vision *sigh*. Am gonna go see the doc tml. Hopefully it aint anything too serious & that it can easily be fixed with a course of antibiotics or something. It really sux, looking @ things thru' a haze. I hope it ain't Keratitis again.

Mehhh had that like X'mas period 2 years ago. Sux big time I tell ya. But yeah ~ keeping fingers crossed. Trying to stay positive. Sight is very impt to me, obviously.

Anyway despite the eye sore, i went to catch Breakout at the Esplanade today. For the ignorant, itz a Korean extreme dance comedy.

Yeah would have enjoyed it more if I was that bothered by my eye. Thank goodness I wasn't as far away as I thought i would be and could still enjoy the dance moves. tbh though, it wasn't the dance that impressed me - pretty normal breakdancing imo. Itz the jokes that was really funny lol.

Ah well ~ as mentioned I do have more to say really. But I guess my eyes kinda need a rest. Even though I can touch type, I dun think I wanna strain any further by starring @ the PC screen. So guess I'll just say watever I wanna say some other day... assuming I remember =)

I hope this match never ends. When the match ends the memories remain.

Yeah I know, outta point. But know what? Idc.

The wait was finally over & it paid off =)

Had my 1st AD&D session of the year, this time playing by 4th ed rules. In order to familiarize ourselves with the new combat system & kinda get to know each other's playing style a little more (we have a new DM & an additional player this time), we decided to use one of the starter kits instead of creating characters fresh from the start. Yeah that meant pre-created characters, pre-organised encounters & storyline. Didn't have much rp involved though. Had 3 encounters before we decided to call it a night - after tentatively confirming the nxt session, that is.

The new campaign will officially begin in about a mth's time. In order to save time, we've decided to do the character creation at home & post them online for the DM's approval. After some discussion, we kinda decided on the classes we gonna play. Haha ~ am just gonna stick to the class I've always adored: the rogue. And yep, am probably gonna name her Aina as well. Will further decide on the race & check out the paragon paths a little more when I actually spare time to read the phb further and surf a little ^-^

Marc's gonna play a Warlord, Ed's gonna take a wizard & Wd is probably gonna end up with a paladin. Pretty cool combination imo. Hopefully we'll have a fighter or ranger come in somewhere too. Kinda agree with the DM, a good number will be 1 DM 5 players. With healing surges being open to all classes, a "healer" is kinda redundant this time. Even the cleric class seems more like a holy range character than the stereotypical healer. Having a cleric comes pretty handy though, in circumstances when a character needs an instant healing surge to stay alive... but ah well, there's always a paladin's lay on hands when required (no no it's different frm the lay on hands pallies have in WoW).

Heh just got a feeling that it'll turn out into some huge mmo but thatz cool. Am pretty looking forward to the actual start of the campaign & hopefully we'll be able to wrk out our schedules and make it a fortnightly thingy. Once a mth is a little too... slow.

Ah well ~ anyway I've got like Naxx-10 on Eru in like 2hr time so I betta get some snooze. Have yet to officially respec though I've played around with the talent pts a little. Will use this for starters and see how things go. Guess there's no hard & fast rule to a certain spec. It really depends on a person's playing style & preferance. I might end up toggling it down the road, I might not. The only thing I know for sure, once I go prot, I ain't going back. Yeah kinda a shame though, considering that I've pretty decent fury gear now... being able to hit like 3k dps on boss fights and all.

But bleah ~ despite all the cons, I kinda like tanking. Plus there's really not much variety if I were to keep 2 dps toons. I just hope I won't end up with extreme repair fee. With luck too, Naxx-10 shld b done within the day. It'll suck if I've gotta get up like 10am again on Sun to continue it. Especially if my friend stays over tonite as planned.

Whatever. Better sleep.

Main Entry: dream
Pronunciation: \ˈdrēm\
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
Etymology: Middle English dreem, from Old English drēam noise, joy, and Old Norse draumr dream; akin to Old High German troum dream
Date: 13th century

1: a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep
2: an experience of waking life having the characteristics of a dream: as a: a visionary creation of the imagination b: a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality c: an object seen in a dreamlike state
3: something notable for its beauty, excellence, or enjoyable quality
4 a: a strongly desired goal or purpose b: something that fully satisfies a wish


As according to Wikipedia, "There is no universally agreed biological definition of dreaming." and that "General observation shows that dreams are strongly associated with rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, during which an electroencephalogram shows brain activity to be most like wakefulness."

Mhmm why all that sudden posting about dreams. Well ~ they are the reason why I'm awake @ this hour today. I had fallen asleep at a decent time earlier. Was kinda tired. But unfortunately that rest wasn't peaceful. I got upset, I woke up... and I can't get back to sleep. It's night afterall. The time when I'm at my most awake.

*sigh* Itz getting frm bad to worse lah. I have difficulty falling asleep. When I sleep, I dream & I don't rest. Wtf manz. It'z probably coz my mind isn't at rest. But srsly if there's a way to stop myself from over-thinking I would. A bullet in the head would help. Problem is where to obtain the bullet. Next problem is to obtain the gun. Arrgghhh ~ I ain't making much sense right now, am I?

/facepalm

To stay or to leave? To give up or to hang in there? Those are the questions that prevent me from lapsing into slumber everytime I turn on the lights & lie on the bed. *sigh* Guess you tend to take it for granted after sometime - the ability to simply fall asleep as and when.

If I don't remember wrong, this is the 2nd time I'm linking this on my blog. Yeah ~ the 1st time shld be on Contradictory Ramblings. Been a while since then, it seems. Things have changed a little. Well, itz a different person this time. Situation just remains unchanging though. /shrug. At the very least it does give me something to blog about besides WoW I suppose.

Speaking of WoW. It took a while & the replacement of a really crappy healer but eventually... we did it =)

It was a nightmare trying to get healers who are willing to come for just 2 bosses. Took a damn long while in LFG. Thank goodness it worked out eventually. The difference was obvious when we booted the scrub healer from the day before & subbed in shiva's alt who wasn't even as geared as the tree he replaced. Mehh... skill > gear anytime imo. Damn! I daresay that if we had decent healers from the start, we could have downed Naxx-10 in 1 day.

Sapphiron took us a mere 2 tries (and 3 wipes b4 that with that fail heals) & we one-shotted Kel'thuzad. tbh, itz much betta than how Aina fared with Encore. But yeah, I guess, to be fair, most of us already know the fights and we are definitely non-downers. Lolx ~ fck manz, I really do love this group: Daren, Aest, shiva, Ash, me & my bro. Hopefully we'll be able to acquire regular healers in our team too then perhaps another dps or so. Then it'll really be perfect.

With Qara coming along next week, there's a chance that nxt week's gonna be better. At the very least, we just have to search for 1 more heals as compared to 2 more. Gonna spend the nxt few days trying to further gear Eru & help Qara too - she ooms just too quickly to be able to last thru' Sapphiron.

2 more elders in heroics for Eru. Gotta try to settle that asap. Running outta time. The nxt event is gonna begin like in a week. Arrgghhh Love is in the Air event. No prizes to guess which "festival" that's based on >.<

Speaking of Valentine's Day, itz nearing. Just 2 weeks time it'll be the most dreadful day of the year. Yeah I know ~ am speaking like some bitter crankly old hen who has been spurned. But eh srsly that day really brings out the lonliness in me. I know, I'm perfectly fine alone. I'm the type who doesn't need someone else to live. It just gets lonely @ times and I don't like those times. Besides, don't need doesn't mean don't want. Itz just nice to have someone else (though it isn't the most important thing to me rite now), if you get what I mean.

Mhmmm guess I'll just spend a while on The Sims 2 before I try to sleep. Been quite sometime since I touched the game. And fck yeah, I do miss it. I just don't have time & energy for it after all that intensive WoWing.

I really should be asleep now, but I'm blogging. Haha. Due to the Lunar Festival thingy on WoW, have been spending additional time on the game in order to get the achievement on both Eru & Aina. Both still need many hours more but well... one more week till it ends. Am pretty determined to get them.

Yeah itz a little exhausting having 2 mains - kinda improper to still refer to Aina as an alt since I've been spending shitload of time on her. Not to mention, she is better geared than Eru. Having Eru as an alt is kinda improper too considering that I spent most effort on her in terms of rep & achivements. Plus she's my 1st toon and yeah the one I really adore most =)

Heh at the rate am going, when will I ever even have time to play Nadare on Demon Soul with my rl friends I wonder. Levelling professions is such a pain & I've got 2 DKs that I wanna level - the other being Kurénai on Dreadmaul Q_Q.

Anyway I finally started raiding on Eru. Naxxramas 10. 4 wings down. Not too bad for a 1st time imo. Especially since we've got 2 pug healers & 2 pug dps. Could have gone all the way if not for the fact the healers were really really b-a-d. Really can't stand it when ppl can't follow simple instructions & end up causing ridiculous wipes. Picked up 3 pcs of tank loot. Guess I'll be going prot pretty soon - with luck will do so for nxt week's Naxx.

The only problem with starting to raid on Eru is time management. Itz a shame that the weekend is just way too short. I dun wanna give up having my friend coming over for movie marathons, but I dun wanna not raid on Eru either. I just hope he doesn't get too bored watching me raid when he bunks over - he claims that it'll be fine. But honestly, I really don't think itz a nice thing to do. *sigh* If only there's like some way to have my cake & eat it @ the same time. Unfortunately Life doesn't wrk that way. Sacrifices gotta be made eventually. And like all sacrifices, it always results in a lose-lose situation.

Ah well ~ watched Underworld: Rise of the Lycans @ Cineleisure earlier.

Basically a prequel to the previous 2 Underworld series, Rise of the Lycans tells the story of how the war begun - the love story between Lucian & Sonja and the revolution of the Lycans against their "masters", the vampires.

After watching it though, it kinda gives me an impression that it's a sorta reflection of the real world anyway. The vampires being the whites, and the lycans being the blacks. The poor treatment the blacks get frm the whites that eventually lead to an uprising. Also, years ago, interracial relationships were totally discouraged. People who are involved usually incur the wrath of their "own people" and consequences could be extreme. Such "racism" continues till this day unfortunately.

o.O Makes me wonder if there's like a hidden message in this film.

Would love to type more but uhmmm I've got only 2.5hrs left before Naxx-10 & I reckon it'll be wise to get some snooze. Hopefully we'll have luck pugging 2 healers just for the last 2 bosses. Will be tough & tbh, I don't think it'll work out but heyz there's always a "what if". Gonna keep fingers crossed. Will be fab if we could do a full clear this week. Fck the guild runs I say. With the stupid dkp system & lousy raid management. However if we were to have a good raid team, we'll have to recruit 2 more reliable healers & hopefuly 2 more decent dpsers too. The other team has all our guild healers atm. Such a shame.

Good luck to myself for later.