Just finished playing a few GH2 songs on the PS2 and now my wrist hurts like hell. Mehhh think am outta practice. I can't even get past the intro for Avenged Sevenfold's Beast and the Harlot on Hard difficulty - and I used to be able to do so. It kinda sux... that reflexes aren't as quick as they used to be, and I seem to be having more problems concentrating than before. Perhaps coz my brain's trying to process many thoughts @ the moment - trying to make sense of things, to come to a conclusion, to forget. Too much brain power involved.

Age catches up u know? The older u get, the more retarded ur brain becomes. Degenration of cells probably =.=

Pffftttt now am even having problems getting my fingers to tap the keys properly. Perhaps I shld sleep? But itz just like... 3:30am ffs. Ain't really my style to sleep so early. "We only come out at night, the days are much too bright." - that line frm Smashing Pumpkins' "We Only Come out At Night" serves me well. Way too well. Bright light annoys.

Mhmm and that leads to me watching the video of The Beginning Is the End is the End.

Smashing Pumpkins is a really great band imo, but as it isn't pop, like all other non-pop music, one gotta actually like such stuff to like such stuff. Makes any sense? Anyway it not only comes with a tune that pleases my ears, it comes with interesting lyrics too.

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secret's flame
You can watch the world devoured in its pain

Thatz the chorus. And yeah, if u're wondering... that song's frm [Batman & Robin]'s soundtrack.

Come to think of it... what the fck does "mainstream" mean anyway? Stuff thatz played on the radio? Stuff that the general public listen to (coz they don't know better)? Blahhh... even music is classified. Humans just need to classify stuff to have a sense of order huh? Classification: nothing more than the mother of discrimination.

Hmm... where is this post leading to manz? I had fully intended to upload something that sparked my interested on New Year's Eve - and it became yet another humanity slamming thread. Arrrgghhhh perhaps I wld be happier if I get those kinda shit outta my system. You know, learn to just conform and learn to enjoy all that pretense. *sigh* Just ain't that mentally stable rite now. All those thoughts still slamming my brain against the skull wall. Why the fck am I even affected in the 1st place I wonder. Don't I ever learn?

Ah well ~ pictures.

Taken from Changi airport's male toilet (yah yah I entered the male loo, stfu already). Well anyway I was curious when Malao went to the loo & told me about this sticker of a fly on every single cubicle. I just had to go take a look for myself aight? And of coz... take pix to chronicle my little "discovery" - though itz no biggie since more than 1 million ppl would have seen it already.

And now the closeup...

Does look like a real fly, doesn't it? rofl.

Back to music. Am keeping my mp3s running, and right now I don't give a fck that the volume is kinda loud for this hour. 4:01am. Mhmmm am on my "alternative & punk" playlist so I guess it isn't that bad huh? Could be worse. Could be the awww-so-noisy metal. Let's not go into the misconceptions the general public have of that genre or this entry is gonna last another hour or so.

Join Me by H.I.M (His Infernal Majesty). Nice tune, nice video, pretty good lyrics though I kinda wish it isn't about love so much. Whatz it about that human emotion that deserves it being mentioned in every single genre?

We are so young
Our lives have just begun
But already were considering
Escape from this world

That was my favorite verse when I 1st heard the song years ago. It applied right then. But now that I ain't "so young" anymore... I guess the best line is "This life ain't worth living". Pretty much summarizes my state of mind. But no song beats Metallica's Fade To Black. That like totally reflects how I feel. Just read it and tell me if it isn't true. And yeah those are the lyrics that I have on my side scroller for the now defunct Contradictory Ramblings.

Mhmm u know, if one day I ever get/borrow an electric guitar, it'll be solely to play that song. Manz... I can really listen to it over and over again. Right have I've only managed to do the bass part of the intro & that's already gave me considerable trouble due to my short fingers. Doesn't help that I only have SubZero, my classicial, with me & I don't play him that much now so the strings aren't exactly "seasoned". Maybe I shld just, u know, ignore the pain & practice till my fingertips bleed. lol, won't be the 1st time that itz bled anyway.

Besides, as I've mentioned a thousand times before, physical pain is just superficial... isn't it? As quoted from Goo Goo Doll's Iris "When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know you're alive". I can no longer even keep track of how many times I've done so to remind myself that my heart still pumps blood thru' my veins. I no longer do it now though. The temptation is immense, more so at certain times, but I shouldn't, really. The saddest part is, perhaps all that is what I wanna feel, not how I really feel. Sometimes I wonder if the following verse frm the same song, applies more ~

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

It sux, really. I know I'm alive. But I don't feel alive. And honestly I wish I'm dead. Then again... there's no certainty that death would be better, would it? The way I am, even if I die, I honestly doubt my soul will pass on to the afterlife. I'll probably be doomed to wander the world as a slave of Chemosh's.

"My faith is with the dead." - Mina, Amber & Ashes (vol. 1 of the Dark Disciple's Trilogy).

Anyway, to the ignorant, Chemosh is a deity from the world of Dragonlance. The god of death. Guess he's somewhat like the Satan of popular religion, considering that his constellation is a goat's head... and yeah he's of Evil alignment, opposing the Gods of Good. Mhmm... but if I simply have to worship a deity, it won't be him. It'll be Mina herself. Set apart from the Pantheon of Light and Darkness, the Goddess of Tears is of dual alignment - Neutral Good/Neutral Evil. Interesting part is, though she doesn't have sides, she's "bound by the edicts of the Highgod" and "exists as a counterpoint to herself" in order to "not upset the Balance of powers in Krynn's universe".

kk, thatz only something an AD&D player wld appreciate so I shall not continue on that path. Speaking of which, I just wish my AD&D mates will quit procrastinating & set up a seassion already. I can't wait to embark on a new campaign using 4th ed stuff. Not to mention, those few hours being someone else but Me, is a wonderful escapade.

Well... have finished up [Amber & Ashes] yesterday, and am currently putting the series on hold in favor of Raymond E. Feist's [Conclave of Shadows] trilogy. Not that I think itz gonna be potentionally more interesting. Itz just coz I borrowed the [Conclave of Shadows] from the library so I kinda have a deadline to meet. Arrgghhh I just realised, date due: 13th Jan 2009. gg, today is already the 5th. Much reading I would have to do to make it in time.

Bahhh fck this, am gonna go watch [Chocolate]. From the director of [Ongbak] and [Tom Yam Goong], am pretty certain itz gonna be good ^_^ Then I suppose my brain would have quietened down sufficiently by then to allow me to enter slumber. Will sort out the PS2 mess tomorrow.

Mehhhh I do need another tattoo.